Third trimester, school!

This goes along with the other new sibling preparations.

Besides the things I wrote about here, enrolling the Guajolotita #1 in school was absolutely part of preparing her for her new sibling.

I decided that the Guajolotita was ready for some outside-the-home activities. She loves to be with other kids and I think she could use more stimulation than what she was getting with our babysitter. If I was home with her, I might have felt differently because I would appreciate the things we did together more than the activities the babysitter did with her. (Sometimes I thought the babysitter's idea of a fun/educational activity were absolutely idiotic.)

• we enrolled the Guajolotita in school. We started visiting schools the first week of the second trimester. We visited 5 schools and picked one, submitting our application and deposit a few weeks before the start of the third trimester.
• we talked a lot about school during that searching time. The Guajolotita's cousin is 2 years and 9 months older than she is, and after being at our house for childcare started school before this pregnancy was public. Our babysitter would pick him up from school - so the Guajolotita was very accustomed to the idea that kids go to school. She'd seen his school and been in the building to pick him up. So she was excited to be doing the same thing as her idolized older cousin.
• After submitting our deposit, the week we left on vacation, we took her to visit her new school. She stayed almost an hour and I took some photos of her with her teachers and classmates. I made a little multi-image print, with several copies and the names of her teachers. We took this with us on vacation and reminded her about her experience. She learned the names of her teachers and gave a copy to each set of family we visited - a little kid-souvenir for them, and a chance to take ownership of her coming new experience for her.
• She's been home full-time since birth with Abuela or a babysitter. She's used to running around with other kids at the park and at the library every day for a couple of hours. We started her with 3 hrs/day, every morning, 5 days a week. The adjustment was hard.
• Our babysitter left us and my suegra's schedule only allows her to get the Guajolotita from school after 3pm. So we extended her day and she is at school 6 hrs/day, 5 days a week. This adjustment was absolutely easy. I still feel guilty about this though.

I really think that she was ready for school anyway - perhaps one or two hours a day, two or three days a week. However, the schools all said that consistency and routine are best for the child. MWF different from T/Th would just make the adjustment harder. I think they are right.

The upside to starting her in school a bit earlier, and for longer, than I might otherwise have done had I not been pregnant, is that when I am home on maternity leave - sleep deprived, nursing around the clock, washing 1000 diapers - the Guajolotita will be having fun with her friends, working on projects at school, and go to the park every day. Her naptime will be uninterrupted by any baby crying. Her life will continue to have some normalcy instead of every moment being upended by the baby.

I will get to have some alone time with this new baby, hopefully get dishes and laundry done while she is at school, and then when she comes home I can have some quality Guajolotita #1 time and not feel guilty about "neglecting" the infant (as I've read there is a lot of guilt about focusing on one child at a time).

Also, when I go back to work at 12 weeks and our new babysitter starts, that babysitter will also have time to get to know this new baby, and perhaps do a load of laundry, before picking up the Guajolotita #1 from school and playing with her.

I am excited about maternity leave and picking up the Guajolotita from school myself for those months. I am hoping my suegra wants to come over sometimes and have time with the new baby while I WALK to pick up the kid from school and hopefully bring her home in the jogging stroller. Postpartum fitness, quality time with Kid 1, grandma gets to have Kid 2 all to herself - win for everyone!

Preparing Guajolote #1 for Guajolote #2

These are the things we've been doing to try and help the Guajolotita be able to adjust to being a big sister. She'll be about 2 years and 2 weeks old when the Guajolotito #2 is born:

First trimester:

• we moved her out of the crib and onto a floor mattress in late July, before I even knew I was pregnant.

• we never took down the crib or allowed her to play in/with it.

• way back when we told our parents I was pregnant, around 11 weeks of pregnancy in September, we started calling the pink-painted bedroom where the Guajolotita sleeps "el cuarto de los niños" ("the kids' room") instead of "Guajolotita's room" "your room" etc. Stuff like, "Put your shoes away in the kids' room." She was not quite 18 months and started calling it that right away.

• we started to tell her there was a baby in my belly. We called the baby "un hermanito o una hermanita" but that's a mouthful so she immediately shortened it to just "hermanito. (Which causes us to make a lot of jokes about "Hey, Hermano!")

• We took her to the 13 week NT-scan ultrasound to see her "hermanito"

Second trimester:

• The cutest thing ever about "un bebe en mi pancita" is that after her bath, as we are putting her pajamas on her, she would grab her own round little belly and tell us that she had a baby in her belly. She'd pat mine and talk about it then grab her own and talk about it the same way. Just hilarious and so adorable. She went on to tell Papi and Abuelo that they also had babies in THEIR bellies. Her Abuelo had a good time talking to her about what WAS in fact in his belly: cerveza, pizza, papaya, etc. and also about what was in hers: papaya, carnitas, etc.

• she started to interact a great deal with my belly. She pulled up my shirt, caressed it, hugged it, kissed it, talked to it: "Hola hermanito!" and "Hermano o hermana, no sabemos!" were the two things she said the most.

• I gave her one of the diaper covers (we cloth diaper) for her stuffed animals. She has a stuffed bear that became "el oso con pañal" and she was always undiapering it and asking for "Ayuda!" to put it back on.

• her Abuela gave her a baby doll and toy stroller. It's a very nice toy. She loved marching back and forth with it. The babysitter taught her to put the baby and her shoulder, pat her back, rock her, and shush her to sleep.

The babysitter also taught her to change the baby's diaper - lots and lots of toilet paper used in this process for a few days! She'd put the baby crossways on top of the open disposable diaper, then run to the bathroom for a square of toilet paper. She wiped at the baby's still-clothed behind, then ran to the bathroom, threw the toilet paper in the toilet, grabbed another square... like 15 times per episode.

• She started to share with my belly too. If she was eating strawberries, she'd lift up my shirt and pretend to feed my bellybutton. She would ask to read "con el hermanito". She shared toys, for instance "compartir el rompecabezas con el hermanito" by putting the puzzle pieces on top of my belly as she sat on my lap to do a puzzle. (She still spoke in infinitives about half the time at this age.)

Third trimester:

• we bought a little kid-sized drawer set and put her clothes in it. She can reach all of the drawers easily and put her own clothes away (with some supervision, but she doesn't need physical help). The dresser that matches the crib is empty of her things. Around Week 36 or so I figure to wash the baby clothes and she can help me put them away.

• we bought kid-friendly coat hooks and hung them on her door, the bathroom door, and the front door at the highest height she could reach. This is to give her more autonomy. She hangs her own hand towel and dries her hands herself, gets and puts away her own coat, and has her own drawer in the shoe cabinet by the front door that she can put her shoes in herself.

• at this point, my belly is her property. She tells strangers that her "hermanito" is in there when we are out. Anything she is doing, she expects to be able to incorporate her "hermanito".

• We are trying hard to remind her "hermanito, un nino con pene, o una hermanita, una nina con vulva" (bad translation at that link! vulva is the same in Spanish and English!) We do ask her if she thinks it might be one or the other. She usually says "hermanito" but I think that's just because it's the first part of the phrase. We'll find out in 6 weeks...

• we enrolled her in school.

• we got these books: I'm a Big Sister! When You Were Inside Mommy, and The New Baby at Your House. We skip parts of all of these stories and just talk about the pictures on some pages - they address some of the negative feelings that a small child may have when a sibling is born: jealousy, regression, etc. If the Guajolotita #1 starts to do those things, it will be useful to have those books to talk about them but for right now we are keeping it positive.

• We bring her to almost all midwife visits. We told her she will hear the corazon de su hermanito, and she seemed to start to understand around week 30. She talked all the way there about it, she was very excited - and when the midwife put the doppler on my belly and turned the speaker towards her, you could see the wheels turning: she looked at my belly and at the speaker and at me, again and again, with these big eyes. She talked about it for days afterwards too. She'd heard the heartbeat on the doppler before, but I think we'd just told her that the sound was her hermanito - this time the different phrasing (and her getting just a bit older and understanding more) seemed to make a difference.

Preparations not yet undertaken:

• Week 36? install infant carseat so she gets used to having a roommate in the back seat, having to get in and out of the car on the driver's side, etc.

• Week 37? get out/put together the baby gear: bouncy seat, co-sleeper, diapers&changing pad, tummy time mat, rock-n-play sleeper. So she learns that these are not toys, they are only for the baby.

• Week 36? Wash and put away the baby clothes.

• I'd like for her to learn how to dress herself some more. She can almost do her undies & socks & shoes herself, and she can take off most of her shirts herself. She's learning to pull her pants down too. I think with some focus she can learn to do at least her undies and pants on and off mostly herself.

• We need a way for her to eat at the dining table with us. Right now all 3 of us eat at her kid-sized table in the kitchen - which only has space really for 2 toddlers. Add a baby to one toddler and two adults and there's just no way.

• She needs to learn to fall asleep without someone immediately next to her bed. She's starting to object less if I move from the chair next to her bed to the glider in her room. I figure I'll be sitting in there nursing a baby anyway so it's OK for her to expect someone to be there, but she needs to accept that I won't be immediately next to her bed.

• What else?!?

11 things Liebster

"Liebster Award" is a blog chain letter thing. In the rendition I was tagged in, by Korinthia's Quiet Corner, I am supposed to:

• List 11 things about me
• Answer the 11 questions she posed to her nominees
• Propose my own 11 questions
• Nominate 11 small time bloggers to do the same (list 11 things about themselves, answer my 11 questions, propose their own 11 questions, and nominate 11 more small-time bloggers)
• "small-time" bloggers were indicated as blogs with a following of fewer than 200 - um, I totes qualify. Go me!

 11 things about me:

1. Too much of my mental space is mom-oriented at this point. Probably quite a few people who know me casually and who know me well would agree.
2. We got married in semi-secret and we never officially "told". I confessed to my closest friends after several years, but that was it. It sort of eventually got around, after several years.
3. Playing in an orchestra this year has been so amazingly good for me. Having a great conductor is wonderful icing on that cake. I think this may help with Item 1.
4. I rarely read anymore, unless it's a parenting-related book. Changing this would also help with Item 1. But there are dishes to do and meals to cook and I never post updates about my kid(s) anymore as it is... and soon there will be diapers to wash too.
5. I knew what would happen to my breasts post-breastfeeding. But especially following almost 2 years of "real" boobs thanks to pregnancy and breastfeeding, it was still a nasty shock. I have always been fairly comfortable with my body shape and proportions - until then.
6. I really regret never studying abroad. Or teaching english abroad after graduation. Or going on any sort of independent international adventure.
7. I'd like to have more than 2 kids, but we can't afford to travel with more than 4 plane tickets, so we'll stop. Also, I'd like to see part of my paycheck again someday. This working-for-childcare arrangement is soul-sucking.
8. The first 7 were written on a different week than these last 4. This one may color the remainder. Item 8: I can function for a long time on very little sleep. However, my house and my nutrition and my relationship with my husband all suffer because of it. Please, child, sleep...
9. I will eat anything, but I am also happy to eat the same thing every single day. I had the same sandwich every day for months until I got pregnant again, and hummus suddenly became unpleasant.
10. You cannot imagine the state of my desk at work. It's incredible. The layer of stuff is at least 6" deep. This is its normal state.
11. I went back to work after the Guajolotita #1 was born in part because I was scared to stay home.

And here are my 11 Answers:

1. If you had to leave your house in a hurry and could never go back what items would you grab?
   
   Kid(s), of course. Beyond them... Perhaps the folder with our passports? Our photo albums are in the basement so I probably wouldn't have time to get those. If for some reason I did have that kind of time, I'd grab the photo album from when we got married, and also throw the computer out the window so some of our vacation pics to China and Turkey wouldn't be lost. Beyond that I can't think of any *thing* that I would be so upset about in the face of whatever was causing me to be evicted from the premises on short notice. (As it was Korinthia's Quiet Corner that put me up to this, I feel obligated to mention my instrument and while I appreciate my viola and think it has a nice sound, it is not actually fancy and was only $250 plus repairs.)



2. Is there anyone from your past you hope never to run into?
   
   I think I've blocked such unpleasant experiences. There are a couple of ex-boyfriends that would be awkward to run into, but I would certainly survive the experience. Things that were worse - highschool humiliation or semi-frightening sexual harassment incidents - I can't remember exactly the context anymore so I can't conjure up who was what. Also, I've changed so much, and have so much confidence now that things I might think would bother me probably wouldn't.
   Although, for those that know me, here's the DUH answer: my mom. (yeah, that's sad, especially on a mom blog, but sweet jesus it's the truth. These have been the best 10 years of all of our lives.)



3. If millions of dollars fell into your lap lottery-style, what would you do with it?
   
   
   • Pay off the buildings we and our parents own.
   • Put away $ for kids' college & my nephew.
   • Send my brother & sister to college.
   • Get our family abroad hot water and flush toilets and a college education for those who want it.
   • Buy a condo for each of my siblings and husband's siblings.
   • Donate half of it - perhaps start a foundation for college scholarships for undocumented immigrant kids, or maybe to fund education in low-income communities some how?
   • Pay my sister's med school debt.
   • Pay my brother-in-law's law school debt.
   • Also we'd probably have another couple of kids, since at that point we could afford to.
   • Oh and have better retirement funding for us too.



4. If there was one thing about yourself you could magically fix what would it be?
   
   This is really general. That is intentional - I imagine the thrust of the question-asker is more personal-flaw oriented than physical. I don't know what my biggest flaw is - I can list many but I don't know what the worst one is that needs the most immediate attention. I guess selfishly I'd say I wish I kept a better house - I'm not highly organized and not a good housekeeper. Our floors always should've been mopped a week ago. However, less selfishly I would say I should have more patience with my family. I have lots of patience with Kid 1 and I think also with THCSITU, but sometimes my original family - siblings and dad - get the short end of my patience and they shouldn't. Like all families, they have put up with a lot from me over the years.



5. What book do you think I probably haven't read but should?
   
   The Diamond Age. The original Dune and any Ray Bradbury and Hobbit&LOTR are some of my favorite books. This one is fairly dystopian though, not really uplifting. Not as epic and drawn out as LOTR, since you mention that you don't like that trilogy.



6. Do you think it's true that no two snowflakes look alike?
   
   Nope. The odds of them being actually identical are low. But to look alike to the untrained eye, even with a high magnification image? I bet that happens.



7. Who is the person you can most rely on to make you laugh?
   
   Kid 1, she cracks me up an awful lot. The person who makes me laugh the most overall, however, is probably THCSITU. I see him/talk to him most so he has the most chances. :) I can't go looking for a laugh from either one though - it's not fair to the kid of course, and THCSITU just doesn't work that way.



8. If you had to live in a different country, which one would it be?
   
   I'd give Europe a shot. That paid maternity leave and social support system is really tempting. Also the kids would get to be trilingual by default, how cool would that be?



9. If I told you tomorrow you could hang out for the whole day with anybody, who would you pick?
   
   Anybody in the universe? Or anybody I know?
   
   Anybody in the Universe (living): I think I'd like to hang out with Barack. He seems fun and incredibly smart, and interesting. Other people I admire of similar stature (say, Hillary) I would just be too intimidated. It would feel like I was in the interview of my lifetime. President Obama smiles and jokes and is less scary.
   
   Anybody I know already in real life: another of my oldest friends, who lives in China with her family, kids, etc. so the chance of us actually getting to spend a day together without also refereeing kids is slim to none. That would be a great treat. I feel lucky that I got to see her a few days this summer at all.



10. What is your favorite building?
    
    My dad's house. I think I've come to terms with the fact that he will sell it in the next few years. I am not sad or angry about that anymore... but I think it will still be really hard when it does happen.



11. Sisko or Janeway?
    
    Well my geek card is totally revoked because I did NOT recognize this question at all. A quick google helped me remember about Captain Janeway - we watched a LOT of STNG with my dad growing up, but I was already older (and busier) by the time it ended. I've seen some Voyager, but little Deep Space Nine at all. My youngest sibling would give me a lecture if he knew I couldn't answer this question.

11 Questions

1. What's the best vacation you've ever been on/what made it great?
2. What is something you've never done that you really want to try some day?
3. What study/career path did you NOT follow that you are still intrigued by?
4. How do you get the news: read, watch, or listen? (To follow political stuff, find out about international crises, that sort of thing.) Feel free to elaborate.
5. iPhone, Android, something else?
6. When you fight with someone close to you, are you a screamer? Do you curse? Do you stomp off and leave the situation/leave them behind? What's your natural approach?
7. Where've you never been that you wish you could go?
8. What's your favorite thing about your current living situation?
9. What language would you most like to learn?
10. What can you repair yourself? (computer, car, sock, etc.?)
11. Who would be your preferred desert island buddy? (not kids or spouse/boyfriend - you were on a cruise without them when you got stranded!)

I tried to think of questions that are a little fantastic but attainable, and also others that make me think about the good things I've got (or for that one of them, things I could do better).

11 blogs:

Like Korinthia's Quiet Corner, I don't know of 11 small blogs to link to. I came up with 7, all except one are people I know IRL. Some of these blogs haven't been updated in many months though:

MonkeysGoHome
Classical Sass
Motherhood
waitingforlittlefeet
MommyWorkingFullTime
Hey Unity & Brixton
Tania

Muy argentina

"Leelo chanchitos!" she says, with Pigs in Hiding in her hand.

Papi takes the book from her, and she hits the armchair. "En el sishon!" (sillon)

Mi suegra has been in Mexico for a month, and we were on vacation there for two weeks before that. Asi que the babysitter has been coming 5 days a week - 5 afternoons of Argentine Spanish. Before we went to Mexico she did this really interesting instant accent switch whenever the babysitter walked in the door on Wednesday morning, and switched back overnight on Fridays. But without the alternating schedule, the Argentinian pronunciation is taking over.

Escuela

Jan 9th (1st day of school)

9:21am

Proud of us today: 50 min from waking the kid up, to in the car on our way to first day of "school" (montessori preschool that accepts 2 yr olds). Did #1 and #2 on the potty, ate 2 eggs with pesto and half a grapefruit, dressed, teeth brushed, and hair done. Un-freakin-believable (to me). I heard her start to scream for me as I left her there but I am having faith in her personal strength that she'll have a fun morning after all.

(P.S. those achievements were on her part, not mine. I did shower and make breakfast before waking her up, but my teeth are NOT brushed yet - garlic breath to talk to her teachers this morning, go me - and I'm wearing the same pants we flew in yday)

P.S. again: checked my phone and got a pic from a teacher via text of her happily "working" within 30 min of being dropped off. All is fine.

3:25pm

P.S. again: she named her baby doll "Alex" this afternoon, I'm assuming after a kid in her class. Promising, I think. However, this was also followed by "No me pegas, Alex" ("Don't hit me, Alex") so I'll wait to celebrate that one...

Jan 19th (end of first full week of school)

Last night was bad (how does a kid wet the bed twice in one night when she's had no nighttime accidents in weeks?) But this morning my husband got up with her, loaded&ran the dishwasher, and made breakfast! Amazing and so very much appreciated.

Jan 21st

Friday night was bad, but last night (Sunday night) was SO MUCH WORSE. I think this is worse than newborn sleeplessness because I don't have the bonding hormones making me delusional over my beautiful child AND because I have lots of anxiety that if she and I don't sleep NOW, how in the holy hell will we sleep after there IS a newborn here IN 9 WEEKS?!? freaking out. freaking the F out.

Jan 23rd (second day of second full week of school)

She mostly slept through the night last night. She went to bed with relatively little fuss (yeah, nearly an hour of singing and convincing to stay in the bed, but few tears) and then slept from 930-5. I gave her some water and put her in bed and she rolled over and fell asleep till 730. I think she did it just to screw with me.

Jan 24th

7:30am

I don't even know how many times she woke up last night. I knew she slept well one night just to mess with me.

1:22pm

NO TEARS at dropoff this week. 2 days, the teacher met her before her actual classroom and led her by the hand. Today, she just left me behind and climbed up the 3 steps herself (as I took off running so she couldn't look back at me and waver). I think a late dropoff (caused by NOT SLEEPING ALL NIGHT) is actually helpful because none of the other kids are crying when she gets there. She gets upset when kids cry.

Jan 29th (second day of 3rd full week of school)

UPDATE: SHE SLEPT THRU NIGHT LAST NIGHT. 2 DAYS IN A ROW HAS ENTERED CLASSROOM HAPPILY AND ON HER OWN - NO SUBTERFUGE OR HANDHOLDING. I ALMOST CRIED WITH HAPPINESS!!! THIS IS THE BEST DAY!!!
 

Ramblings.

Tenemos que arreglar la calle porque esta MUY OSCURO!

This was her technique for stalling getting into the car last night - she wanted to play outside but I wanted to get to the grocery store. So she balked at the car door and started pontificating about whatever she could come up with in the hopes that she could redirect me into playing outside instead. That line above was her opening volley and it worked. I laughed a little out loud and followed her up and down the the block as she narrated. It was 6pm, totally dark out, and there was an inch or so of snow on the ground. But we were letting THCSITU sleep since he'd gotten up with her during half of her night wakings and spent most of the day single parenting while I was out.

When she says stuff like that, it's usually accompanied with some hilarious gesture mimicry - she takes her finger and uses it to sort of accentuate her point, whatever that may be. It's sort of halfway between a finger wag and a "Eureka!" motion. I'm not sure where she got that from.

In general, when she really gets going, she will construct these incredible run-on sentences, usually using a single connecting word repeatedly: porque, pues, y, or despues. By the time the "sentence" ends it's so far from where she started that the whole thing makes no sense at all. One clause porque another clause porque a different clause porque...

Her use of "esto" is really hilarious. It's totally correct, but just so entertaining to hear her say it. I'm not sure why.

Also, the "muy oscuro!" referenced in the first line is a phrase she's had for months. She has this great inflection when she says it, very dramatic. MUY OSCUUUUUUUUUUUROOOOO!

Things she says

tememos
This one is a good 6 weeks old. She was so proud of herself, using it CONSTANTLY. I'd walk in the door in the evening and she'd look all around for something. "Mami! Tememos... *grabs first toy she sees*... jirafa!"

Yo te cargo!
Of course, we ask her this *all the time*. So, when she wants Up, this is what she says. It's especially sweet when she's in tears, standing there with her arms up, offering to carry us.

Me ayudas!
If she wants help with something, she simply groans, "Ayuuuuuuda!!" (I don't know why the groaning. But it's always groaning.) But if she wants to participate in something (unloading of the dishwasher, for example), she comes running over, saying, "Help me!" as her offer to provide assistance.

No quieres.
In the same vein as above. When she's done with her plate, or decided she doesn't like whatever's on it, she picks it up with two hands and thrusts it in your direction, telling you about how you don't want it. She uses it to talk about her needs and wants other times too. She'll point to her chest and say, "*Her name* no quieres" if she's telling you about something she doesn't want, or something that she didn't want earlier that day. Interestingly, she rarely uses 3rd person with this one. For instance, she'll tell you about what her Cat in the Hat does or doesn't want, but she'll say "El gato no quieres..." She rarely makes that error with other verbs, but nearly always does with querer.

The Guajolotita makes 4 word sentences (and longer) as a matter of course now, almost always in the 3rd person. "El camion pasa por la calle," for instance (I'm counting that as a 3 or 4 word sentence - she uses the correct articles but I'm not gonna count them as separate words for this purpose.) There are also plenty of times that she sort of strings some nouns together and adds a verb, sometimes conjugated, sometimes not, to get her point across. She uses 1st person conjugations appropriately on a daily basis, but not *reliably*. That is, she might say "Quiero comer!" at one point during the day, but she will more frequently just holler, "Comer camote!" or "Comer avena con pasas!"

She seems to be starting to make the conjugations herself. As shown above, most of the time it's rote memorization, simply repeating back the phrase in its entirety however she hears it, which generally means incorrect conjugation. (She's not actually planning on carrying me.) But every day she tries it out on some of her most-used verbs (as you can guess, "comer" is one of those!). Juego, como, quiero... can't think of others just now.