Cravings

I want something salty! Like Ramen. Or Lays. Or seasoned croutons right out of a package. Pretzels aren't good enough, but maybe the vending machine has something else appealing.

UPDATE: Lays were so good! I had one bag before lunch and spent another dollar on a second near the end of the day. I was thinking I should get a stash for cheaper, but I'd consume so many more chips if they were just sitting in my office. I have to go 2 buildings and 2 flights of stairs and spend a dollar to eat them, so at least there's some disincentive.

Pregnancy Symptoms, at last

Yesterday I had a few small symptoms, and it took me a bit to piece them together that that's what they were.

The first that I realized what it was was visual effect? distortion? Sort of like when you see those shiny circles in a photo that's looking into the sun? I was having a conversation with someone and just couldn't see half their face because this shiny/glittery thing was making me blink. I couldn't figure out why it was hard to see when I figured out there was this distortion. I remember having something similar during the first time around.

The other was headache.

And the last was faintness/dizziness. I felt weak, and then that flushed pre-fainting feeling as I was hurrying home (late) from work last night. I wanted to see my kiddo and was late and rushing and then after a couple of blocks realized that I had better slow to a walk if I wanted to make it home without assistance (since I nearly passed out and had to sit down early in pregnancy the first time).

None of those were any fun, but they made me feel a bit better that the embryo is continuing to grow and suck my resources. :)

Betas are in

13 DPO, beta is 175
15 DPO, beta is 401

I'm sending just those two lines of text to my sister in med school, see if she gets it! The tests were pulled almost exactly 48 hrs apart.

My calculations of dpo are based upon my own very sketchy chart from this cycle. The midwives want me to get a "dating ultrasound" sometime next week.

Bruja Suegra

After getting a call from the midwife today that the blood test confirms pregnancy, I let another dear close friend know. She was very congratulatory, of course. We did some shopping for an upcoming party - and between lifting and walking and driving, I was having noticible cramping.

So when I got home I was sort of grumpy and just sat around. (THCSITU might ask here: "How is that different from any other night?")

And my Mother-In-Law sits nearby and tells me about this dream she had two nights ago, about me being pregnant and she thinks it should be a girl and by the way why do I not feel so good, am I pregnant?

Gah!!! What is with this woman? I already told THCSITU that we won't be able to keep it between us as long this time, because with my MIL in the house 2 days every week, she is going to notice something is up.

And, apparently, she is also a witch.

Maybe this is for real.

I've got something like sciatica again. It's too early for that, isn't it?

I am eating a McFlurry for the first time in my life, which THCSITU got for me, because I asked for it. And it's freaking awesome.

Trying to convince myself

I got the CVS brand tests for this week. I tried again Monday morning. If you drink too much water and wake up to pee after only 4 hours, is that still FMU? Ah well - it came out again a faint positive.

I was hoping for a firm bold positive, or even a negative. I feel in limbo.

So I went to the midwife and requested a blood test. I go back Wednesday for the second one.

If that comes out with good info, I'll publish to the blog all these I've been writing.

Here it goes again

Awake and hungry since 4:30 am. It's the second day in a row that I've been up for the day at 4:30.  At least yesterday it was the Guajolotita who woke me up, and I just couldn't fall back asleep.

Today I woke up hungry at 4:30, but I'll be dammed if I'm going to risk waking a child who slept through the night!

She woke up on her own around 5:45, but I got her back to sleep easily - so I have to keep waiting to eat.

I better get some granola bars for the bedroom or something!

Second Child Syndrome: in check so far

I wrote three, no this makes four, blog posts the day we got the positive test. Even though it was faint, and sort of declared a "Maybe positive" by consensus at the midwife that same day.

Also that same day, I made a Lilypie ticker, and kept the pregnancy test in just as safe a spot as the ones for Guajolote #1 (floating around the "random drawer" in THCSITU's dresser).

However I'm pretty sure we won't do printed pregnancy announcements this time. I will print out a couple of whatever digital one we create to go with kiddo's First Year book.

I wrote to two close friends to let them know, and will follow up with the other three close friends as soon as we get a "for real" positive, probably early next week.

All these posts are staying hidden until then, though.

Read about the dangers of Second Child Syndrome.

Midwife says Maybe?

I took the Guajolotita with to my PAP-turned-prenatal visit. Trying to pee in a cup in a tiny bathroom with a one year old is complicated.

The nurse took my vitals, then I left a sample. It came back negative. "Oh well," I shrugged. "The home test was expired after all." I offered again my FMU in the ziplock, which she took this time but also came back negative.

The midwife came in and did an annual physical, told me what tests to order from a primary care doctor if I wanted, etc. As we were finishing up, and the Guajolotita was completely losing it first for "leche" and then failing that for "pecho", there was a knock on the door.

The nurse stuck her head it. "It's a faint positive now, ten minutes later! Congratulations!"

The midwife says I can either get the 2 part blood test, to look for doubling of some number - or just pee on another stick next week. I'm pretty non-interventiony, and the kid was totally losing it. If I'm pregnant, I'll still be pregnant in a week (or not) - and either way today's result doesn't make a difference.

So... we're at Maybe till next week (or menstruation, whichever comes sooner).

Breaking: Blog Title Now Accurate?

Today I had my annual PAP exam scheduled. Since I couldn't totally rule out pregnancy, I took the one leftover pregnancy test from the pack of three we used 2 years and 8 days ago. Probably scraping your cervix is not advisable during pregnancy, so I figured I should check.

The test was expired since March 2012, around 4 months ago.
Well, you can see what I saw:

I kept the pee in a ziploc for the midwife to test. I showered, emailed, etc. waiting for everyone to wake up.

Just before 8, the Guajolotita opened her own door and came out of her room. No tears, no accident - just like a big kid, but with her sleepy toddler face and all her hair in her eyes. It was the cutest thing!

So we went to wake up The Hottest Computer Scientist in the Universe. He hugged her, and we all went to pee (potty training is a long process at this age!).

I brought him his glasses, and he says, "What."

I hand him the test. He looks and says, "You're pregnant?"

I sorta rock back on my heels, and nonchalantly say, "Yup."

His response: "What are you, Irish?"

** astute friend observed that Mexican-American people are a rather fast-growing segment of the population! Why'd this Mexican guy decide to lump me with a different bunch of Catholic breeders?

Missing being pregnant?

I first read about this on some forums. I thought that those women were surely insane. This pregnancy has been easy, and I think I am dealing with the body issues OK and our relationship is pretty good - but given my druthers I'd be 130 and look good in a bikini than be shaped like a beach ball.

Here's a slightly ridiculous list with possible rationale:

20 Reasons You'll Miss Being Pregnant

I skipped to the middle for the link because #11 is the only one I can relate to.

Some people are super earthy and in-tune with themselves and all that sort of thing. I'm not very much that way. But it occurred to me a few weeks ago that I am feeling this motion in my cavernous self constantly. When I sleep it's still happening (and doesn't yet wake me up, thank god). There are brief pauses but more or less the motions inside never stop.

I think I will feel... I don't know, boring? Or static? Or something. Well, I'll feel the lack of motions I guess and I am not sure how that will affect me.

I guess it's pretty common.

Reviewing that list (which I just read now as I searched for a relevant link), there are a couple other things that could make the transition hard:

• The Hottest Computer Scientist is really sweet, understanding, and attentive. Moreso than usual. I keep telling him that I need the mollycoddling AFTER this baby is all the way here and I am halfway to insane on sleep deprivation.
• People in stores and restaurants are really attentive and nice to me. I am not sure if it is my imagination, I usually get great service because I am polite and friendly to people and try to always smile at someone who is helping me. But we got a free dessert last week, a guy at Home Depot went across the store to bring me something, and the plumber working on our building teased me that "they got you working too!" when I brought in a 2x4 myself.

My dad pointed out today that once the wiggly baby is on the outside, screaming, I will have fewer friends in public places. I am sure he is right.

It's not just me.

It does happen to all pregnant people!

How are you feeeeeeling?

Although the people enquiring after my well-being nowadays are not weird about it, as described in the above link - they are just trying to be considerate.

It's still weird. But I'm adjusting.

OTHER SIDE EFFECTS

Guys, guys.

One boob is visibly larger than the other. And I think the dichotomy is getting worse. AAAH!

I was glad that my tiny boobs would finally become adult female sized. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

(So far only visible when undressed but I can feel the freaking difference hanging off my front now. Ugh. Ugh. UGH!)

Battle faces!

Brunch this morning with MIL's family. A table full of middle-aged Mexican ladies. These are women with 6 different pregnancy radars. If they guess, I am done for because they will jump all over the idea, the entire restaurant will be informed, and possibly phone calls will be made to Mexico at that moment as well. (THCSITU probably disagrees. I may be exaggerating on that point. But the entire waitstaff of the restaurant certainly would be informed.)

We have dinner just us and MIL at her house next week, so I was thinking to tell her then. She will be thrilled. But today would be a circus.

Then afternoon/evening is my whole family. These are not people constantly checking for pregnancy, but nonetheless: gotta plan what to wear carefully!!

Outed!

While out of the country, I was outed for the first time. A woman working in a family-owned hotel bounded over, 2 hours after we arrived (unwashed and sleepless), and patted my tummy as I slouched on a couch checking email via the phone. "Baby?!?" she hopefully cried.

I was a little embarrassed. It was also the first incident of pregnant-belly-touching - though at that time I could still (with effort) button my low-rise jeans so the belly wasn't much.

It happened again today back at work. A lovely lady whom I like very much was chatting with me about our trip, and at the end she remarked I hadn't gained weight, despite going on and on about how great the food was. "Yes," I replied, "as I was telling you, we walked so much every day!" D'oh! That did me in. Her suspicions confirmed, she gestured at my stomach. "Are you...?" Yikes! My days of keeping it on the DL are clearly numbered. (This is one reason it's a secret.)

I saw my dad and sister two days ago, as far as I know they don't know. Also, I work with very few moms. All the women that most frequently interact with me do not have kids, so I think they will lack the eagle eye of moms-who-aren't-having-more-kids.

That being said, I know the next time I see my MIL, it's all over there.

First Prenatal Visit: there is a heartbeat!

I like the midwife office I picked more and more. They are so low-key and relaxed. I was NOT relaxed on account of being late.

The Hottest Computer Scientist in the Universe came to the appointment. He acted totally disinterested at first, but he also liked the midwife so once she came in he was friendlier. He was also so cute, reading all the materials we were given by the nurses.

She felt up my uterus and my boobs, but then the fun part (that wasn't fun? No, no it wasn't, thanks though) was hearing the baby on the doppler.

I learned there is lots of static in my abdomen! And there is also a mouse. The midwife said the heartbeat was at 160-170 beats per minute. If I was more on the ball, I would have thought of a piece with that beat and tried it out to see if it fit - have a gauge for myself. :) Tip for you when it is your turn. :)

It kinda freaked me out. It was the proof that yes, there is something in there. Woah.

Afterwards we talked about it together. THCSITU had some interesting observations: that little click-click-click (seriously sounded like a metronome over the doppler) already started a few weeks ago and will keep going for possibly 90 years! Holy smoke.

Then it occurred to me that with a heartbeat so very fast, that tiny tiny heart will beat more times inside of me than it will for the first couple of years outside! That's kind of weird.

Another question we had, is it already four chambers and compressing like our hearts? Or is it a little mass of cells pulsating rhythmically but otherwise unrecognizably? I looked it up since to find out.

No room here.

I was late. I tried grabbing a cab, but the one I stopped was on the way to a pickup. So I booked it the mile+ from the train up to the midwife office, plus having to detour to not be spotted by family en route. About five minutes before the end of the journey, I saw another cab. Huzzah! I would just make it in time!

He refused me a ride. That totally pissed me off, especially because it was on the grounds that my destination was no within walkable distance. "It's just, like, 3-4 blocks!" he says.

I KNOW where I am going. I happen to be late. Can I pay you to drive me a quarter freaking mile, please? Since that is your profession??

Also I moved many boxes and some mattresses the day before. Uterus kicked in with a vengeance afterwards, and all that hustling across town 24 hrs later made me feel all tender over there.

But whatev, cabbie. It's cool. Sorry I offered to pay you for 3 minutes of your time.

You are what you eat

I got this today via email:

10 PreNatal Power Foods from 100 Healthiest Foods to Eat during Pregnancy

Does Chipotle count?

Symptoms: from bad to... gone?

Argh feeling worried. Feeling worried because I feel totally normal.

This post is a boring account of aches and pains. Just chronicling them so that I have a reference.

Over the weekend, I felt pretty terrible. Friday night and Saturday night I only slept 4-6 hours, which of course were punctuated with trips to the bathroom. Saturday I had to lay down for a while mid day because I felt dizzy and sick. Not like actually throwing up, but just really crappy in the stomach-type area. Saturday night my uterus was cramping horribly, I was sort of bent over to finish putting the laundry away. It cramped like that up through Sunday morning, then that went away. I checked my nipples but couldn't figure out if they were less sore, or it was all in my head.

Monday I was totally exhausted. It as as though I had been at work 12 hours after just 5. And then I had to keep working 9.

The websites I looked up said that at 9 weeks, the uterus grows a whole bunch and can cause cramping, so I thought it could be normal maybe, and growing more tissue could lead to the exhaustion too.

But now today, Tuesday, I feel... fine. I didn't eat as much as I ought, but I felt *hungry* instead of ill. My nipples are definitely not sore. I had so much more energy today, even after going to the gym in the morning.

And I am wondering, wtf?

:-(

Pregnancy symptoms

I have none.

Well, almost none. At 7 1/2 weeks, I ought to have morning sickness if I am going to get it. But I don't. I don't have headaches, and I no longer have extreme exhaustion (or I am ignoring it, also possible).

The rundown right now is just this:

• sore nipples (which I don't even notice because it's been a month, so it's my new normal)
• have to pee kind of a lot
• I feel bad/vaguely ill/gross more often than hungry, but eating fixes that
• eating is much less fun

I love to eat. Eating and having coffee is what makes each work day fun. Now in the late afternoons I feel doldrum-y from 3-6 or so. I still eat (so I don't feel crappy) but it's not the psychological pick-me-up it was before.

Today I wanted Joy Yee's lemon basil stirfry for lunch. But I knew if I went down there, ordered, and waited for my food, I would eat two bites and again feel "meh."

The little things in life should bring joy. I hope this "whatever, I'll eat it" response to food goes away after the Guajolote gets here and I can be thrilled again about leftover cornbread with jam and afternoon coffee.


Post script: maybe since I am eating before I identify that I am hungry, the food is less enjoyable?