Customer relations: midwife edition

In attempting to find prenatal care, I scheduled appointments with midwife practices near to where we will live when the Guajolote is born, and the hospital with the facility I like best. This was two days after finding out.

I have no clue what I am doing, beyond what the crunchy/christian/conservative/hippie masses of moms say on various forums. I freely admit that. In calls, I asked if I could schedule a consult/interview with a midwife or if it is still too early. All places said to come in. First times available were two weeks away anyhow.

Receptionist:
What's your name?

Me: [my name, first only]

Receptionist:
What?

Me: [my first name - more slowly]

Receptionist:
Hold on. (long pause) Ok, spell your name.

Me: [Spelling three lettters]

Receptionist:
Wait! You are going too fast! (very peeved tone)

Note to gentle readers: My name, while not super common, is IN THE DICTIONARY. It is a word that appears in newspapers daily, and headlines probably at least every two weeks. Besides which, I have a degree in adult education. I have worked with people who are not literate. I know how to facilitate phone communication.

Over the course of our should-have-been-briefer conversation, she made sure that I knew I was inconveniencing her. In the office at the appointment two weeks later, the disorganization was epic - I had to ask 3 times for forms to fill out before getting them 10 minutes after I arrived. And, despite being 10 minutes early, I waited an hour (late) for my appointment.

I picked the other office!!

Keeping secrets!

Another major life event I'm keeping on the DL. Bad habit I've grown. Surprising for a girl who can't keep her mouth shut usually - The Hottest Computer Scientist in the Universe must've worn off some on me.

Last weekend I was at a breast cancer awareness/fundraiser event with my dad & grandparents. My dad was definitely suspicious because I went to the bathroom like 6 times in one evening. I threw him off the scent the next day though and he bought it. Climbing up and down the hill we were on really stressed my bladder out. Come to think, that's the last day so far that I really had cramps.

Then tonight, I interviewed another midwife practice and decided to go with them. The midwife gave me some handouts, including one with information on birth classes... which I left on the counter at my dad's house! Boy did I race back in from the car when I realized it wasn't in my bag... got it though. Phew.

In other news, we will see the heartbeat at the end of August!! Yay little turkey!

TMI : things I guess it's good I *didn't* know before getting knocked up

Interminable bleeding (explains some no-sex-after-baby):

First the placenta separates from the uterus, exposing open blood vessels, and then the uterus shrinks down from over 2 pounds to just a mere couple of ounces, expelling blood, mucus and tissue as it does. You also have to figure that the amount of blood in your body increased by about 50 percent during your pregnancy, and now it’s time for things to go back to normal.... The bleeding may last anywhere from a couple of weeks to a full six, with possible spotting even later.

That's a turn off if there ever was one. And inconvenient - I have to be diapering myself at least as often as the baby. Ugh.

Constant cramping:

Your uterus is contracting as it shrinks back down to size, so the pain will be less intense than when it was pushing out a baby but still enough to be uncomfortable.... [Feeding baby triggers *more* cramping]... The pain should subside after a week or so.

In combination with the no-sleep, sure to make me a horrible person to be around.

And of course, never sleeping again:

Just to have five hours of uninterrupted rest probably sounds as close to bliss as you can imagine, yet it seems as though that will never happen – ever again. Don’t worry, it will, but we have to admit that most babies still wake to feed every two to three hours (sometimes stretching it to four hours at night if you have an exceptionally considerate baby) for the first six to eight weeks – give or take. And then it will most likely be another few months before the baby is sleeping through the night.

All above quotes from Babble here.

I am terrified I will hate staying home with a baby. Even my baby. Lack of sleep makes me very snappy. Chronic exhaustion, constant pain, bleeding all the time (possibly making extra laundry?)... well, that might just send me over the edge. Obviously, I don't *know*, but I'm worried.

Having read all that, I burst into tears at the beach today remembering that I will be physically decrepit and that this might be the last time I ever in my life look cute in a bikini.