Vagin-WE (royal we)

If you haven't read this article, do it now. Aside from the tone, which is sometimes preachy, the content is hilarious. Unbelievable, from my stateside viewpoint.

Everyone and her mother blogged about it, so I left it alone. But I saw it come up again today with just a FABulous line:

"...holy crap! A magic dildo? From the Feds? I’m used to getting screwed by the government, but not in a good way."

link to post

HA

Except the tiny unfunny part is that I am terrified our sex life/my vagina will never recover. I know, I know, it has to. We are not, evolutionarily, a one-child species, so the thing continues to function. But... I'm not scared of the pain - it'll be more than I can handle, so I'm not trying to imagine it or pretend I'll be in control. But my vagina... I love my vagina...

Things people say

I've already learned to expect to be rubbed/grabbed in a way I never have been before. Maybe my butt has grown so that people are just intimidated by its mass now? But no, that would mean they'd cower in fear at my belly instead of reach for it.

Which is fine. I have read about that, so it was vaguely expected, and I tend to interact via touch anyhow.


But good lord, the things people say.

The two best so far:

• There is no "Hello": When greeting a pregnant person, instead you must ask: "How are you feeling?" News flash: THIS IS NOT A TERMINAL ILLNESS.
• The other is an anecdote:

A wonderful sweet woman, mom to several kids, understanding and kind, was jovially welcoming me to the mom-club, so to speak. She asked, in front of two other people, "Are you ready?"

I laughed and replied, "Of course not!" Thinking, of course, like I think any reasonable person ought, that there's no way to prepare for the lifelong tornado that is parenthood.

Her immediate response:
"Oh, it wasn't planned?"

Facepalm.

Sexxxy

Subtitle: "Pregnant sex is the best!"

(Enthusiastically stated, a few weeks back, by someone I admire.)

Well, I have my doubts about that but I will say, though it's not happening as frequently as other more-or-less "hot" times in our relationship, it does come easier (pardon the pun). We were fortunate not to have a no-desire 1st trimester - sex life was unchanged. Now... I guess it's more that if I want it, I want it NOW. Certain specific things are not possible anymore, because my lower abdomen doesn't accommodate squishing as much, but otherwise everything's good.

Also I had an almost-sex dream last night. Well, two dreams: in the first, The Hottest Computer Scientist in the Universe was fighting in a war and his group (platoon? squadron?) had dug small, deep holes and they each had to get in one and were to be buried alive. I was there to say goodbye and we kissed.

In the second one, THCSITU having been disposed of, I was younger, and touring a farm. The animals were on raised, fenced platforms inside of barns. Both the platforms inside and the barns themselves were in a grid. Everything was clean, no straw, feed, poop, smells - which I didn't notice as odd in the dream - but the little ducks and chicks and puppies were just happily tumbling around together in their platforms. Our group, composed of fictionalized versions of orchestra members from high school, was staying in one of these barns, 3 or 4 to a bed. Queue the music, and the foreplay... the boy left for some unexplained reason, and in the meantime my dad took a bed at the other end of the barn! My would-be partner came back and was still fiesty, while I tried to quietly clue him in. That ended the fun, and I woke up.

Ok, so kind of lame. But I'm not one to have sex dreams, so gimme a break.

Update on boobs (so far my boobs are only for sex so they'll be included in this post): They are not dramatically different sizes anymore, but if you were to see them directly (without clothes) what is most obvious is that they are cock-eyed. Pointing in different directions. In my opinion, it's distracting. Why are they looking back at me like that?!

Today, while being, um, squeezed vigorously, they leaked a couple of drops. Sorta freaked out THCSITU, but it had occasionally happened even before this whole pregnancy thing during times when we had lots and lots of sex, so I consider it no big deal.

And, from what I understand, they more or less leak the whole time you breast feed. So... he gots to get over it because mama's gonna want to get laid...

:(

We told my MIL on Saturday. It was a full week after my dad, but the first time we saw her face-to-face since we were ready to tell people.

For family abroad, we can't tell them face-to-face, but I was planning to mail them something or call (depending on who).

First up would be The Hottest Computer Scientist in the Universe's dad. It will be his first grandkid, and he will be super excited.


But my MIL called tonight to let us know that:

• she already told my FIL's mother (hereafter: Abuelita)
  
• Abuelita is really excited (yeah, duh)
• Abuelita will tell everyone down there (also duh)

I am so upset. It is our first kid, THCSITU's dad's first grandkid... IT IS OUR NEWS TO TELL. He deserves to hear from his son first, not 3rd hand from his mom who heard it from his ex-wife!

THCSITU points out that his dad and Abuelita will just be thrilled to hear the news. That is true, but I have no doubt that they both would have appreciated a personal phone call from HIM. It's got to cross their minds, "Why didn't he call to tell us himself?" Especially his dad will feel that way.

PS I locked my wall on fb. We don't want the news out on the interwebs yet (my name isn't here, so this doesn't count) and all the abroad-family will start responding to their third-hand info that way, since no one will ask them not to when the news is shared.

Telling the fam

I was nervous.

But it was easy. I thought they'd all be weirded out ("You're what? Why?" ... or something), but they were all very celebratory.

My dad told The Hottest Computer Scientist in the Universe: "Good job!" as they hugged.

Afterwards, THCSITU had a good question: What's the appropriate response to that?

Perhaps:

"Why yes, I have been putting my penis in your daughter's vagina!"

In-laws this coming weekend. This'll be the first grandkid on that side, and she's bugged us for years. Tears? or hollering? I'm thinking tears.

OTHER SIDE EFFECTS

Guys, guys.

One boob is visibly larger than the other. And I think the dichotomy is getting worse. AAAH!

I was glad that my tiny boobs would finally become adult female sized. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

(So far only visible when undressed but I can feel the freaking difference hanging off my front now. Ugh. Ugh. UGH!)

Battle faces!

Brunch this morning with MIL's family. A table full of middle-aged Mexican ladies. These are women with 6 different pregnancy radars. If they guess, I am done for because they will jump all over the idea, the entire restaurant will be informed, and possibly phone calls will be made to Mexico at that moment as well. (THCSITU probably disagrees. I may be exaggerating on that point. But the entire waitstaff of the restaurant certainly would be informed.)

We have dinner just us and MIL at her house next week, so I was thinking to tell her then. She will be thrilled. But today would be a circus.

Then afternoon/evening is my whole family. These are not people constantly checking for pregnancy, but nonetheless: gotta plan what to wear carefully!!